love, 020710

I know i've let you go.

But maybe i guess, there is still lingering feelings for you.

I GUESS.

When i saw you bleed on wednesday, i can't help but feel sorry for you.

I wanted to help you. I wanted to stretch out my hand and wipe that blood of your nose.

But i know, i have no rights of doing so.

I'm not even entitled as a friend in your life.

I can't help but keep looking at you.

I wanted to know that you're okay.

I wanted to know that you're fine.

But there's a lot of people around you.

They took care of you.

And so, all i could do is watch you from the corner of my eye.

Yes, i did watch you from the corner of my eye.

I know you weren't far.

When you stood near me, i felt your presence.

It felt like you needed to be near me for you to stay strong.

But i know, those were just my thoughts and it's just a dream.

This few three days, my heart and brain is playing a fool out of me.

My brain and heart kept sensing your presence everytime you're near.

I can't help but look.

And whenever my eyes met yours, i can't deny the fact that i still have my heart racing.

I caught you starring at me a lot of times this few days.

But did you really?

Or was it just my imagination?

Or is it that you were looking in my direction but not at me.

But whatever it is, i have to let you go.

I've said it.

And it's time to fullfil it.

Even though it's very hard.

I have to try.

I know it will take a long time to forget you.

TO FORGET SOMEONE YOU LOVE

IS TO REMEMBER SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW

IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE

IT TAKES AN HOUR TO FALL FOR YOUR

BUT IT WILL TAKE YEARS TO FORGET YOU

I guess i still have that love/like/crush/admire for you muhd firdaus bin rosman.

but i have to let you go.

BestFeet, 190610

Bestfeet, you are the best :)

I have a really nice friend.
I called him bestfeet :)

It seems like he's the only person i'm closed to right now :(

I don't really stick to people easily you see.

It just happens that i don't.

But it's different with bestfeet :)

I just stick to him :)

Last Love, 160610

Dear you,

I would like to thank you for not insulting me before i let this feelings go.

It is time for me to let go.

I know what was told, was only partially true.

But i would like to believe that it is entirely true.

Thank you for that one moment during our mother tongue intensive.

That was the only day you made my day.

Falling for you is one of the best feelings i've ever felt.

But i know this is not possible.

And i know you are younger than me.

And i know i'm dumb for falling for you when i know my dreams won't be true.

It is time for the feelings to run down the drain.

Thank you for giving me a chance to love you even though you don't know about it.

Thank you, Muhd Firdaus Bin Rosman.

And to all those people who has been hinting that i'm a nuisance for liking him.

Now you should be happy.

Because i've let him go.

And this is my decision.

And i know you guys are happy for it.

I'm happy too.

My life is still perfect without a guys love.

Once again, thank you for being, Monster :)

love, 090610

I thought i had deleted you from my mind.

I thought those words from them, made me forget about you.

But somehow, this feeling doesn't even go away.

I'm upset with myself.

Why did you even come into my dream?

I cried in my dreams.

I could remember it clearly.

In that dream, everything seems so real.

It is like as if, i am in it.

As if it was a real situation.

We were attending the prom night.

But idk why your parents were around.

I cried at the sight of you hugging a little boy and showing your care.

I felt so touched by the sight that i cried.

I wanted to reach for you.

But your parents were there.

And people are calling me.

When i woke up from that dream,

I felt as if i just gotback from prom.

I felt as if my body my soul was really there and that situation really did happen the night before.

But too bad. It was just a dream.

The next morning, i saw you in school.

I looked away.

I can't see you anymore.

I need to let you go.

I know so..

But this feeling just won't go.

And i can't deny the fact.

That i still,

Love You.

I don't know if it's over.

I don't think this feelinf is over yet.

I wanted to cry right now.

No, i already cried.

I don't know why i'm like this.

I can't stand the sight of you anymore.

No, i don't hate you.

I can't stand the sight of you because i could just break down and cry.

I know i wanted fate and Allah to take charge of my life.

But i guess, this feeling is coming to an end?

I just, I don't know.

LOVE, 290510

Thank You For Today.

You made me happy.

Even if you don't know, but i just want to thank you.

I fell for those moments.

I treasure it.

Because i know, it can never come back.

It happens only once in a lifetime?

I just love coincidence when it comes to things like this.

Every minute today in my life, i felt so happy.

All the coincidence, your smile.

Everything seems so perfect.

Everything seems so innocent.

It seems like how it used to be.

So calm, so happy.

I was happy when coincidence took charged that moment.

I was above the clouds.

I was floating.

I was just happy with that.

But today, fate wants to give me more.

Fate took charged.

My cliques played true or dare.

And i picked dare.

And they dared me to ask you just one question, "how are you?"

And after much hesitation, i did.

And when you sealed your answer with a smile, do you know how much those withered flowers

rose back into my heart?

It was indeed the most memorable day for me.

Maybe i was right to just let go of my decision to let you go.

Maybe i was right to just let fate and coincidence take charge.

I'm a happy kid today.

It may not seems to be a big deal for you.

But it really is, for me.

Because it has been a long time since you last smiled at me.

And when you answered my question, it was the moment i felt time stopped.

Your voice was my favourite sound.

Like the song Parachute.

I wished i could sing that song to you.

But i know i can't.

I never can.

But i really appreaciate today.

Just today.

I hope today could repeat itself.

But i know it can't.

It can't.

It is the little things you do that made me remember you.

It is the little things you do that made me love you.

It is the little things you do that made me realise its you.

I just love you.

I'm sorry i did not let you go.

I'm really sorry.

love, 210510

I opened up my eyes today, wanting to forget you again.

I prayed that, today you will be far far away from me.

I bathed.

I ate.

I drank.

I was determined that today would be a success.

I skipped happily into my room.

Wanting to fetch my school bag.

I tucked my bed neatly and pull away the curtains.

I looked down on the street from my bedroom window.

As i normally do.

I enjoyed the view from my window.

The green scenery of the small field and the long track of the MRT.

I love to see people rushing of to work, chasing the Mad Rush Transport.

I was smiling all the way looking at the view that makes my morning great.

But my smile faded away.

Why?

Because i saw a guy.

He was walking down the street.

With his pace as he normally walk.

He rushes to the MRT.

I looked at the watch on my hand.

7.05AM

He's late.

But that wasn't why my smile fade away.

It faded because i saw that guy.

I saw you.

I was happy enough because i pledged and prayed and hoped that i could forget you today.

But fate just wouldn't let me do so.

Maybe it is just today.

Maybe it is just today.

Maybe it is just today.

I did wish it is just today.

Cause i want to forget you before you insult me.

I could not fathom why fate letthis happen?

I think this is a test.

I'm sure it is.

I'm sure after this there won't be anymore coincidence.

I know.

It has always been like that.

But today, besides that incident, there were two more that fate allows to happen.

I was sitting in class writing your name on that piece of paper.

My idea was to fill up the whole paper with your name and to tear it off.

It was almost 9AM.

I saw you walk to the bus stop.

But i didn't know you would be that late.

The moment you entered the room, my head jerked up in that instant.

Weird.

I did not cared when the door kept opening and closing as the other excused themselves.

But the moment you entered?

In a split second my eyes met the sight of you.

After school, i wanted to walk to the furthest bus stop away from the school.

But the weather was too hot.

My friends wouldn't let me walk.

So i had to take the bus at the same bus stop as you.

I was expecting you to catch the next bus, not the same bus, like how you do sometimes.

But no.

You took the same bus.

Instead of taking it at the side you were initially at, you walked and came to the side where i was suppose to take.

I wanted to cry.

I really do.

The three coincidence broke my confidence in letting you go.

I want to let you go.

For my sake.

For your sake.

I just need to.

It is the right thing to do.

But maybe it is just a matter of time.

Like how it used to be.

Time will vanish it all.

One by one.

LOVE, 200510

I tried to kill you in my heart.

I tried to forget you from my mind.

But everything seems to be in the wrong place.

Why isn't my surrounding helping me?

Why aren't you helping me?

You did not want me, but you kept appearing near me.

I tried to look away. But the more i looked away, the frequent i see your face.

So maybe i should ignore even though you're there?

But i've tried, and it doesn't work at all.

The stories came into my ears and it touches my heart.

I wanted to pushed away all thoughts and sympathy for you but it never happens.

I don't know why. I could not understand.

Is this feeling to strong for me to let go?

I want to let go, i want you to be happy, cause i don't want to hear anymore insults.

I know you've not once insulted me. But its just i don't want it to happen.

I'll go. I'll let you go. But my heart just can't. And the surroundings didn't help at all.

Why must you be transerred into my chemistry band?

It will be much more harder for me to forget you!

I'm just too upset...

love, 120510

I wished what was said is true.

I wished every word he said about you would come true.

I wanted so much in my heart for it to be true.

But i know what he said are all lies.

Why can't it be true?

Yes, i'm not the girl you liked.

I know.

I'm not fit to be called yours.

I guess i shall follow as suggested by my brothers?

Or maybe not?

I don't know.

IF, love, 110510

IF i were pretty, would you love me?

IF i were not fat, would you love me?

IF i were rich, would you love me?

IF i were not ugly, would you love me?

IF

So far, you've not yet criticised me like how i've always been.

But i know soon you will.

I did not want to wait for that moment.

Cause i would break down and cry.

I guess now i realised why my brothers told me to let you go.

They do not want me to cry.

They do not want me to get broken hearted.

I could break down easily.

Just by words froom the person i love.

They know me that well.

And so they are telling me to let you go.

Being a stubborn girl as i have always been.

I try not to let you go.

I was doing well yesterday not thinking of you.

But as i scrolled my FB.

Suddenly, your profile popped out.

How am i to go through this?

When little things like this could pop just anytime?

How could i deny the fact?

When my heart tells me not to?

While the others who likes to tease me say out your name?

When every time i stand by the bus station and i see you?

When everytime i turn around you're there standing?

How am i suppose to let you go?

When you are so close to me?

When you are just there, right in front of me?

Yes, i wished you would love me.

Yes, i wished you did liked me.

Yes, i wished i was the girl you were looking for.

Yes, i wished i was the one you wanted.

But like my brothers said, it is impossible.

I know.

I perfectly know it.

Cause i've gone thru it.

A lot of times.

And it hurts me everytime.

It is just an IF YOU LOVE ME.

love, 090510

I'll take a step back and move on?

I don't know. It is true what bestie said.

Why should i wait for something that will obviously never happen?

But then again.

How about this feeling?

I don't know.

love, 050510

I saw you. I wanted so much to say hi. I wanted so much to smile. I wanted so much to look into your eyes and know that you're not mad at me. I know you are mad at me. Why don't you say it? Why don't you tell me you're angry, boy. I dare not look at you. Cause i know you'l never smile. And i do not want to hurt my smile seeing you look away. So i looked away. I wished you did not know. I wished i had not told him. Cause everything went right until he gets to know. And that's my fault for telling him. And that's when things started to go wrong. Everything was back to normal when i lied to you after that. But i did not know how come the situation turn back as tensed as it use to be. I did not know why i felt so scared knowing that somehow you knew i lied. I am terrified. Yes i am, boy. I hate to be hated. I do not want another sense of rejection. Although i felt that a lot of times. Everything just hurt me like how it is to be. I have the right to like someone. Or maybe people like me do not have the right to? I suppose not maybe? I wanted you to know, yes i do like you. And yes i am terrified that you will hurt me with your words. Cause i know you are capable of doing so. I had always assume that you did not know. Not until today. Cause today i saw and heard the signs that you know about it. I wanted so much to convinve myself that i was wrong. But it just hit me that i was right. I'm confused with everything. I do not want you to know. I do not need your attention. I do not need to be hurt. I have been hurt enough times to teach me a lesson. And yes i have learnt my lesson. And it is painful enough if i were to go thru another round of pain. Especially if the pain came from you. For Fish, i was ok. Cause i did not fall for him. It was just a one minute admiring. But for you, i fell for you. For everything you did and for everything you are. I am upset with myself for letting go of this secret. I am upset...

Love, 160410

Every time i had the time, i will think of you. Your condition made you who you are today. I would always pray that ALLAH lightened your burden. It is sad to see you being scolded by teachers all around who does not understand your condition. I wanted to be the one who is there for you, but you won't allow me to. It is okay though. I just want you to be happy. But either ways you are not. So i could only pray for you. I want you to be a good person in life. I have to say i do not only like you, but this affection of love is growing each day. People may ask me why. I have no answer to that. Because to me, loving someone does not need a reason. And if there is a reason why you loved that someone, then that is not love. That is admire. I just wish i had the chance to at least feel your love. A second would be great. I ain't that perfect girl of your choice. And i've seen who your perfect girl of your choice is. I'm a nothing compared to her. I know. I'm different. I'm unique. I do not want to be the same as others. I have my own way of getting things done. I know your sickness pulls your concentration away but somehow i just wished you showed the teachers some effort and prove them wrong. I really wished one day you would do that. You used to be a great boy. Everything you do, i'm always right beside you. And if you were to fall one day, i'll be there for you. I promise. Even if you do not want me to. I will be there. That is how badly i want to be with you, boy.

FRIENDSHIP, 140410

I did not know why we are near but seems so far

Though i was right there

It seems as though i wasn't

Where did all the excitement go?

Gone to Him, Her, Her and Her?

What am i here for then?

A place you go to for counselling?

Is that so?

I treasure friendship. Once in awhile i do wish i was appreciated. Instead of being criticised. I do not wish to be this way. I tried my very best to be happy. Unfortunately i can't. I feel so lonely. Alone. I go to Him, Him, Him, Her, Her, Her and Her because i do not have any meaning in your life as a friend anymore. If i were there, i never had your attention. If i was not there, you don't seem to feel anything missing. You've now said harsh words to me. But i did not take it to heart. But when it happens to frequently. That's when it hurts my heart.

LOVE, 140410

Was it right of me to lie to you?

Did i make te right decision?

Aku suka kau monster

Aku sayang kau

But i did not want to create another disaster in my life

There's too much problem for me to handle

I do not need any criticism anymore

Aku tau siape diri aku

Aku sedar monster

Ingin Sekali Aku Meluahkan

Rasa Cinta Yang Terpendam

Namun Engkau Tak Merelakan

Rasa Ini Diluahkan

Mengapa Selalu Aku Yang Ditindas

Sememangnya Aku Terkilan

Mengapa Tidak Aku Yang Kau Cinta

Benar Aku Tidak Sempurna