LOVE, 290510

Thank You For Today.

You made me happy.

Even if you don't know, but i just want to thank you.

I fell for those moments.

I treasure it.

Because i know, it can never come back.

It happens only once in a lifetime?

I just love coincidence when it comes to things like this.

Every minute today in my life, i felt so happy.

All the coincidence, your smile.

Everything seems so perfect.

Everything seems so innocent.

It seems like how it used to be.

So calm, so happy.

I was happy when coincidence took charged that moment.

I was above the clouds.

I was floating.

I was just happy with that.

But today, fate wants to give me more.

Fate took charged.

My cliques played true or dare.

And i picked dare.

And they dared me to ask you just one question, "how are you?"

And after much hesitation, i did.

And when you sealed your answer with a smile, do you know how much those withered flowers

rose back into my heart?

It was indeed the most memorable day for me.

Maybe i was right to just let go of my decision to let you go.

Maybe i was right to just let fate and coincidence take charge.

I'm a happy kid today.

It may not seems to be a big deal for you.

But it really is, for me.

Because it has been a long time since you last smiled at me.

And when you answered my question, it was the moment i felt time stopped.

Your voice was my favourite sound.

Like the song Parachute.

I wished i could sing that song to you.

But i know i can't.

I never can.

But i really appreaciate today.

Just today.

I hope today could repeat itself.

But i know it can't.

It can't.

It is the little things you do that made me remember you.

It is the little things you do that made me love you.

It is the little things you do that made me realise its you.

I just love you.

I'm sorry i did not let you go.

I'm really sorry.

love, 210510

I opened up my eyes today, wanting to forget you again.

I prayed that, today you will be far far away from me.

I bathed.

I ate.

I drank.

I was determined that today would be a success.

I skipped happily into my room.

Wanting to fetch my school bag.

I tucked my bed neatly and pull away the curtains.

I looked down on the street from my bedroom window.

As i normally do.

I enjoyed the view from my window.

The green scenery of the small field and the long track of the MRT.

I love to see people rushing of to work, chasing the Mad Rush Transport.

I was smiling all the way looking at the view that makes my morning great.

But my smile faded away.

Why?

Because i saw a guy.

He was walking down the street.

With his pace as he normally walk.

He rushes to the MRT.

I looked at the watch on my hand.

7.05AM

He's late.

But that wasn't why my smile fade away.

It faded because i saw that guy.

I saw you.

I was happy enough because i pledged and prayed and hoped that i could forget you today.

But fate just wouldn't let me do so.

Maybe it is just today.

Maybe it is just today.

Maybe it is just today.

I did wish it is just today.

Cause i want to forget you before you insult me.

I could not fathom why fate letthis happen?

I think this is a test.

I'm sure it is.

I'm sure after this there won't be anymore coincidence.

I know.

It has always been like that.

But today, besides that incident, there were two more that fate allows to happen.

I was sitting in class writing your name on that piece of paper.

My idea was to fill up the whole paper with your name and to tear it off.

It was almost 9AM.

I saw you walk to the bus stop.

But i didn't know you would be that late.

The moment you entered the room, my head jerked up in that instant.

Weird.

I did not cared when the door kept opening and closing as the other excused themselves.

But the moment you entered?

In a split second my eyes met the sight of you.

After school, i wanted to walk to the furthest bus stop away from the school.

But the weather was too hot.

My friends wouldn't let me walk.

So i had to take the bus at the same bus stop as you.

I was expecting you to catch the next bus, not the same bus, like how you do sometimes.

But no.

You took the same bus.

Instead of taking it at the side you were initially at, you walked and came to the side where i was suppose to take.

I wanted to cry.

I really do.

The three coincidence broke my confidence in letting you go.

I want to let you go.

For my sake.

For your sake.

I just need to.

It is the right thing to do.

But maybe it is just a matter of time.

Like how it used to be.

Time will vanish it all.

One by one.

LOVE, 200510

I tried to kill you in my heart.

I tried to forget you from my mind.

But everything seems to be in the wrong place.

Why isn't my surrounding helping me?

Why aren't you helping me?

You did not want me, but you kept appearing near me.

I tried to look away. But the more i looked away, the frequent i see your face.

So maybe i should ignore even though you're there?

But i've tried, and it doesn't work at all.

The stories came into my ears and it touches my heart.

I wanted to pushed away all thoughts and sympathy for you but it never happens.

I don't know why. I could not understand.

Is this feeling to strong for me to let go?

I want to let go, i want you to be happy, cause i don't want to hear anymore insults.

I know you've not once insulted me. But its just i don't want it to happen.

I'll go. I'll let you go. But my heart just can't. And the surroundings didn't help at all.

Why must you be transerred into my chemistry band?

It will be much more harder for me to forget you!

I'm just too upset...

love, 120510

I wished what was said is true.

I wished every word he said about you would come true.

I wanted so much in my heart for it to be true.

But i know what he said are all lies.

Why can't it be true?

Yes, i'm not the girl you liked.

I know.

I'm not fit to be called yours.

I guess i shall follow as suggested by my brothers?

Or maybe not?

I don't know.

IF, love, 110510

IF i were pretty, would you love me?

IF i were not fat, would you love me?

IF i were rich, would you love me?

IF i were not ugly, would you love me?

IF

So far, you've not yet criticised me like how i've always been.

But i know soon you will.

I did not want to wait for that moment.

Cause i would break down and cry.

I guess now i realised why my brothers told me to let you go.

They do not want me to cry.

They do not want me to get broken hearted.

I could break down easily.

Just by words froom the person i love.

They know me that well.

And so they are telling me to let you go.

Being a stubborn girl as i have always been.

I try not to let you go.

I was doing well yesterday not thinking of you.

But as i scrolled my FB.

Suddenly, your profile popped out.

How am i to go through this?

When little things like this could pop just anytime?

How could i deny the fact?

When my heart tells me not to?

While the others who likes to tease me say out your name?

When every time i stand by the bus station and i see you?

When everytime i turn around you're there standing?

How am i suppose to let you go?

When you are so close to me?

When you are just there, right in front of me?

Yes, i wished you would love me.

Yes, i wished you did liked me.

Yes, i wished i was the girl you were looking for.

Yes, i wished i was the one you wanted.

But like my brothers said, it is impossible.

I know.

I perfectly know it.

Cause i've gone thru it.

A lot of times.

And it hurts me everytime.

It is just an IF YOU LOVE ME.

love, 090510

I'll take a step back and move on?

I don't know. It is true what bestie said.

Why should i wait for something that will obviously never happen?

But then again.

How about this feeling?

I don't know.

love, 050510

I saw you. I wanted so much to say hi. I wanted so much to smile. I wanted so much to look into your eyes and know that you're not mad at me. I know you are mad at me. Why don't you say it? Why don't you tell me you're angry, boy. I dare not look at you. Cause i know you'l never smile. And i do not want to hurt my smile seeing you look away. So i looked away. I wished you did not know. I wished i had not told him. Cause everything went right until he gets to know. And that's my fault for telling him. And that's when things started to go wrong. Everything was back to normal when i lied to you after that. But i did not know how come the situation turn back as tensed as it use to be. I did not know why i felt so scared knowing that somehow you knew i lied. I am terrified. Yes i am, boy. I hate to be hated. I do not want another sense of rejection. Although i felt that a lot of times. Everything just hurt me like how it is to be. I have the right to like someone. Or maybe people like me do not have the right to? I suppose not maybe? I wanted you to know, yes i do like you. And yes i am terrified that you will hurt me with your words. Cause i know you are capable of doing so. I had always assume that you did not know. Not until today. Cause today i saw and heard the signs that you know about it. I wanted so much to convinve myself that i was wrong. But it just hit me that i was right. I'm confused with everything. I do not want you to know. I do not need your attention. I do not need to be hurt. I have been hurt enough times to teach me a lesson. And yes i have learnt my lesson. And it is painful enough if i were to go thru another round of pain. Especially if the pain came from you. For Fish, i was ok. Cause i did not fall for him. It was just a one minute admiring. But for you, i fell for you. For everything you did and for everything you are. I am upset with myself for letting go of this secret. I am upset...